In that wonderful, heartwarming world of bonhomie and banter that is football, the Tyne-Wear derby (yes, I know that reverses the natural order of things, but it is an away game) occupies a special place. Mackems and Geordies may say they loathe one another, but that does not really do justice to the true nature of the relationship.
Loathe, when all is said and done, is just too weak a word. For some.
Other side of the coin? Salut! Sunderland seems to have little trouble finding Mags willing to penetrate enemy territory to the extent of writing for us with enthusiasm and flair – and for nowt – about such games.
We prefer to ask ordinary fans, and cannot always get the big names anyway; Joe Kinnear might have seemed an obvious choice, given the warmth of his feelings for gentlemen of the press, but a spokesman for the Queen’s English Society, which these days represents him, said: “He’s too *&#ing busy, you ^*+$ing c*!#.” Mike Ashley felt we’d misquoted him last time he did it.
So we turned to Paul McMillan*, a good bloke and fellow hack in Abu Dhabi. We saw it as our contribution to the principle of offering care in the community; the poor lad had scorned a glorious boyhood opportunity, growing up in Washington but taking his allegiance across the Tyne on board the Bryan Ferry.
Paul repaid our kindness with the following heap of venom….

Among the unwanted socks, smellies and chocolates I received as Christmas gifts last year was the surprise stocking filler Geordies vs. Mackems: Why Tyneside is better than Wearside by Ian Black.

The book contains a series of jokes, anecdotes and one-liners at the expense of “The Great Unwashed” such as:

Q: What’s the first question in a Sunderland pub quiz?
A: “What are you looking at?”

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Pete Sixsmith is not getting carried away. Why should it be otherwise? We narrowly beat a limited Fulham side and, though we could have doubled or tripled the margin, we could also have drawn or lost had they made more of the two or three glaring lapses of concentration at the back. Our distribution in the first half was woeful. BUT WE WON, and Pete – whose half-time verdict was “turgid” – is content. But if you were among the idiots booing Paul McShane, even when he’d kicked the ball, prepare yourself for a well deserved scolding from teacher…..

PART 1 OF OUR TYNE-WEAR DERBY PREVIEW
APPEARS TONIGHT

To paraphrase Robbie Burns, who was 250 (sort of) on Sunday, all wins are important and this one was a win of such importance that the Bard of Ayrshire (Burns, not the ubiquitous John Penman) may well have been tempted to write a paen in praise of Kenwyne’s lightning fast reactions as he pounced on Schwarzer’s parry to win the game for us.

He didn’t do a great deal more, but I do think that some people expect far too much of him.

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